i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize