i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
