found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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