omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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