dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize