I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
