I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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