I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
