Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
