nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
