i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
