Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
