Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
