im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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