She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
