Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
