Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Randomize
