Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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