So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
