I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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