the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
