piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
