There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
