Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
