Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just cropdusted the office
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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