I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
