I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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