There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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