You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize