she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
