So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
her facebook's as public as her vagina
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
