4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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