Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
