I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
