i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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