Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
