Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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