Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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