I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
