Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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