im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
