Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I will be naked everywhere
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize