In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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