Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
