i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
