Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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