Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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