I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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