i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Too much gin, very little bucket
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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