Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
