I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
