It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
