UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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