I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
