hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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