Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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