This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
is this the sara with the beer cane?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
