But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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