Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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