He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
