i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
