On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
