Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize