Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
