Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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